Portfolio Reflection Point # 3
The Epideictic was the first piece that I chose to revise. I drew mostly from the advice that Dr. Camper gave me. Part of the advice was that the piece was split between cooking and food choice, as a way to improve their health. It was hard for the audience to get a grasp on what the main point of my paper was because I would switch back and forth between the two subjects without a clear transition. I addressed this problem by simply removing cooking from the paper and focusing solely on food choice. The drive and focus of the paper became much more clear and easy to follow. This made my argument stronger because the audience could now really understand the exigence of the paper. I also expanded the parts about food. This gave the audience a deeper understanding of the importance of the topic because I was able to give them more information about it.
The next paper I chose to revise was the stylistic exercise # 2. I pretended to be a food writer for the New York Times and I write a review about the restaurant that I worked for. For this piece, I really tried to add more flow and imagery. Generally when you read a restaurant review—especially by Mark Bittman from the New Times—you can picture every description and taste every word. I also wanted to make the transitions from sentence to sentence flow as much as possible, and give the paper a whimsical feel. Almost like there is no stopping, and the reader moves form scent to taste to laughing in one continuous motion. I cut down several sentences so that they were not so wordy. This also helped the transition of the sentences and increased the flow of the paper.
I next revised the Three Pieces of Style excessive. The only corrections I made to this piece was the middle style. However, I re-wrote the entire piece with a different mind set. I used Dr. Camper’s advice to think of middle style—when writing about cooking—as food pleasure reading. I revised it by writing about the joy of cooking during the holidays. I tried to use imagery and very descriptive sentences to really have people experience the smells, tastes, and warmness of Christmas. I tried to think how an article on Christmas cooking would appear in a magazine, and then modeled it after that.
The last piece that I worked on was the major stylistic analysis. My main focus for this piece was to bring more of the book onto the page. I had several comments that said that it was hard to determine the context of some of the quotes that I put in the paper. I looked back in the book for each of the quotes to gauge the original context. Then I went back to the paper and added or eliminated whatever was needed to make the quotes more clear. I also narrowed my thesis and made it more specific. Instead of just saying the author used schemes and tropes, I named specifically which schemes and tropes she used.